Running Scared
by Livingdeadclaire
Summary: Ulquiorra Schiffer, talented musician extraordinaire. Orihime Inoue, siren to his songs. He cannot escape her, or his past. AU. All Bleach Characters belong to Mr T Kubo.
1. Chapter 1

**Running Scared **

Chapter 1

He quickly exited the large industrial doors located at the back of the building, breathing a sigh of relief once they closed behind him. There was a sharp pressure right between his eyes. He rested his back against the cool bricks of the venue and pushed his head back, closing his eyes. Running a hand through his midnight black, shoulder length hair, he contemplated his next move. _Should I stay or should I run?_ _She was there, in the crowd. I haven't seen her, not since...She looked... _'No. Stop it. It's done. Over. Dead and buried,' he told himself. _But her hair, her eyes, just her... _He opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings.

He was in the dark and dingy alleyway of Trade, one of biggest rock venues in the country. On his right were gunmetal industrial doors which led to the green room, where he in no way wanted to be. To his left was a large dumpster filled with broken glass and shiny black plastic garbage bags. The alleyway itself was quite clean, no rubbish strewn across the cobblestone road. Suprisingly, there were no bothersome odours. Pushing himself off a little ways from the cool brick wall of Trade's exterior, he reached into the left pocket of his torn, black skinny jeans, fingers grasping for his cigarettes and lighter. He needed to calm down, do something to relieve the pressure between his eyes, most likely from seeing _her. _He took a cigarette from the packet, not paying any attention to the strategically placed images warning of mouth cancer and impending death, putting it between his painted black nailed fingers. _We all rot together eventually._ He lit up, and drew the cigarette between his lips, inhaling the calming smoke. _That's fucking better_. Just as he exhaled, the smoke dancing enticingly from his lips, the back doors swung open – Violent Soho's covered in chrome, blaring through the open doorway.

"Oi, fuckface, did you see her?! Did you fuckin' see her?" Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez demanded, towering over me, his face far too close to my own. He had both arms blocking me and forcing me back into the wall. His whole demeanour demanded an answer. His face just searched mine for any sign of recognition, any sign of emotion, really. My face remained stoic and emotionless, not giving a damn thing away. The doors slammed shut, the music from the club shut off. It's quiet once more. Grimmjow hadn't moved, he was even further into my personal space, his breathing anxious and harsh. I ducked beneath his arm and put some distance between us. "Of course you fuckin' saw her – that's why you're out here, fuckin' brooding. Give me one of those," indicating toward the fast burning cigarette. I grabbed the packet from my jeans pocket, along with the light, throwing it at his face. He caught it, lighting up, putting it to his lips and inhaling. "Don't be all fuckin' pissy with me, fucktard. What are you gonna do?" came out roughly as he exhaled.

I looked at Grimm, my oldest friend, my band mate, my brother. "Did the others see?" I asked, avoiding his gaze, concentrating on the broken lace of one of my scuffed black combat boots, crossing my right ankle over my left. "You're damn right they fuckin' saw – Nnoitra messed up his bass during B_reakdown _– don't pretend you didn't fuckin' notice." "I see." "Dammit Ulqiorra, what are you gonna do? You know she's gonna come backstage – you know she won't ignore us, too much history and all that shit. She's too fuckin' nice for her own good. Need some armour? Groupies? Want me to call those sluts Loly and Menoly in for you?" I looked to Grimm, moving my focus from my boots, giving nothing away. "Ulquiorra – what are you gonna do?" he repeated, taking in my emotionless expression.

"Nothing," finally giving into his demanding questioning. "I will not do a thing." I turned away from him, walking out of the alley, towards a cab rank a few hundred metres down the road. _I need to get out of here. I need to go home. _ "Oi fucktard, get back here! What do I say to her? What do I tell the others? You need to face this. It's not going to go away. She is not going to go away." Turning my head and peering over my shoulder at Grimm, "Do not tell them anything. Do not tell her anything. Later." Dismissing him, I walked away, away from Trade, away from my band mates, away from _her_. Shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans, I wished I had grabbed my hoodie from the Green Room before I left. My black Henley just wasn't cutting the cooler air tonight. _I need a drink. A strong drink. _Deciding against a cab, I walked for maybe ten, fifteen minutes before stumbling into some dive bar. The bar's name was lost on me. I walked down the entrance steps into a sea of smoke, darkness and sweat. I found the bar, pulled out a black leather stool and signaled to the bar tender. "Scotch on the rocks," handing him a hundred, "And keep them coming."

As I waited for my drink, I took a look around. Dark, dingy, not as dirty as I first thought. Not too many patrons for a Friday night, maybe eleven, twelve tops, strewn around between the leather stools at the bar and a number of old leather couches about the bar's entirety. There were only two bar tenders, mine, a shaggy blonde guy, about six four, dressed in similar attire to me, black distressed skinny jeans, black long-sleeved tee rolled up exposing Japanese inspired Yakuza tatts – _strange_ – and a brunette, maybe 21, small, her arms and exposed chest covered in brightly intricate My Little Pony and cosmetic related ink. _Trash. _

My scotch was placed in front of me on the bar top without a sound. My hundred left to its own devices. "It's on the house. You're Ulquiorra Schiffer, yeah?" the blonde guy asks, looking pointedly at me. "Didn't you have a gig tonight?" he continued, "I would've been there but had to earn some coin, I'm a big fan man." "Thank you," I stated, shooting the entirety of my scotch down my throat. _That's fucking better. _"Another," I said simply. As the bartender went about his task, I thought to who I was and how I've come to be here.

My name is Ulquiorra Schiffer. I'm 29 years old. My birthday is December 1. I am one part of an internationally successful hard rock band with my three best friends, the Cuatro Espada. We've been on this train for the past eight years, making it big with our first album at 21. I'm the lead, providing lyrics, clean vocals, and lead guitar. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez is our animalistic drummer, the incredibly intimidating Nnoitra Gilga on bass, and the ever so calm Coyote Starrk on throat and guitar. The boys equally compose our songs. We've had four international top five albums, which is by no means an easy feat when the music scene is bombarded with such utter drivel. Musicians these days seem to be heavily auto-tuned and barely play their own instruments, if they do so at all. _Trash. _

Tonight is the last of a three month long promotional tour for our upcoming fifth album, coming home for our final show in the foreseeable future. I'm looking forward for the next six months off, before the touring machine starts up again – I need a break. I need sleep. I need to be numb. My thoughts are disturbed when my scotch is again laid before me. Instead of shooting it down, I savour the taste, the smoothness of this spectacular liquid invading my palate. It goes down so well. "Another," I once more signal the bartender. My weapon of choice is once again placed before me, as I bring the glass to my lips, I am interrupted from my reverie -"Ulqui-kun," a beautiful voice invades my ears.

I know that siren song. Looking to my left, sure enough, I see _her. _She is smiling shyly at me, looking hesitantly around herself, as if she will be scolded for being in my very presence. I drink _her _in – lusciously straight waist length burnt orange hair, small curvy figure clad in a white Peter-Pan collared blouse tucked into a leather skater skirt, black ballet flats adorned with bows upon her plum stockinged feet. _Her _face is just as glorious as I when I last saw her. The only makeup she wears is black winged eyeliner and mascara, her naturally flushed cheeks and lips standing out. She sits herself down in the empty seat to my left. "Ohayo, Ulqui-kun," she all but whispers, silver eyes shyly peering into my own.

"Another," I again signal to the bartender. _I will need it. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Running Scared**

Chapter 2

LAST WEEK

She was folding freshly cleaned laundry when it happened. MTV had been blasting new videos for the last half hour. His unmistakeable voice travelled and interrupted her musings about the little blue men knocking over the fabric softener and leaving footprints on the tiles. She immediately stopped folding clothes in the laundry and ran out to the lounge room like a madwoman, neatly folded clothes flying about the hallway in the process.

His emerald eyes pierced her through the television, the mic in front of his mouth, 'I want to break down all of your walls until there is nothing left between you and I... I want to break down all of your walls until there is nothing left, there is nothing left.'

A shiver went down her spine, straight to a part of her which had been closed off for years. His words always spoke to her soul. He looked so sad, eyes lined in black, tear tracks tattooed down his cheeks notwithstanding, almost as though he was haunted. Clad in black suit, forest green collared shirt, and skinny black tie, he put the boys to shame. She barely even noticed them. All she saw was _him. _

Grabbing the remote from the chic white coffee table, she turned the television off. She placed the remote carefully down in its place and went down the hall that was littered with black and white stills, until she reached her bedroom. The laundry was completely forgotten. Opening the door into her favourite space, she took a deep breath, flung herself facedown onto the owl comforter, burying herself amongst her many scattered pillows.

She hadn't thought about _him_ today. She'd been doing really well up until she heard his beautiful voice. Who was she trying to kid – he never strayed far from her thoughts. He still consumed her. The passage of time failed to stem her thoughts of _him. _

'Get a grip, girl. You're 28 now, a woman,' she reprimanded herself out loud. Huffing loudly, flopping unceremoniously onto her back, she stared at the pink fairy lights artfully hung from the ceiling. Her thoughts raced remembering his beautiful voice, images of them together, her scared and alone younger self, her former hopes for their future... It was all so long ago.

She picked herself up from the security of her bed, right fist pumped in the air and raced into the en-suite bathroom. Luckily, she didn't slip over on the water from the little blue men's playful bath. Determinedly staring at her own reflection in the mirror, she made a decision that she had been avoiding for some time. She scolded herself. _Entertaining fantasies of what should have, or could have been won't change one single thing. If you want things to change, you need to get up and do something._

Decision made, get up and do something it is.

TRADE

Checking my reflection in the foyer mirror before I left the house, I peered at the woman whose silver eyes stood out – eyes lined with black liquid wings as well as lashings of black mascara. Her skin was bare of product, her cheeks naturally flushed and lips permanently berry-stained. Who would have thought that eyeliner could make such a difference? _Thank you Ran-chan, my beauty-sensei_, I thought as I smiled to myself.

I checked my outfit one more time – black leather mid-thigh length skater skirt, white Peter-Pan collared blouse artfully tucked in, plum coloured tights, and my favourite black satin bowed ballet flats. I was good to go. I quickly grabbed my favourite black studded purse, peeking inside to make sure I had the necessities – keys, iPhone, I.D., cash – yep, all set. I bounded out of my apartment, locking the door behind me, making my way to the elevator. 'Oh, no! I forgot my ticket!' I exclaimed loudly to the empty hallway, mentally face-palming in irritation. I quickly ran back to my front door.

Once I had everything I needed I nervously walked back to the elevator, waited for the 'ding', rode to the ground floor and made my way out of the complex's foyer. Once out the security doors, I started making my way on foot towards the venue. Thankfully my apartment is right downtown, I don't have to walk too far. Trade is one of the hottest live rock venues in the country.

After making my decision last week, I somehow managed to scramble tickets to his end of tour show. I'd like to think it's fate that his last show is in our home city. Gin, Ran-chan's boyfriend, had really come through. Ran-chan, better known as Rangiku Matsumoto, is my best friend from college. She studied business, whilst I studied creative writing and graphic design. We met during our freshman year and immediately clicked over our mutual love of food.

I shuffled around in my bag to check the time, 'Eeep!' I was due to meet Ran-chan outside of Trade in 4 minutes! I'd better move it, move it. Haha, King Julius likes to move it, move it! Ran-chan never misses an opportunity and demanded to come as soon as I let slip that I needed to see _him _play. She knows what happened, back then... That whole sad mess.

I rounded the last corner and arrived just in time to see her chatting to one of the bouncers, her golden blonde hair shining and blue eyes sparkling. She looks so lively tonight. I quickly make my way toward her from across the street. _Ugh, maybe I shouldn't go through with this_. _Maybe I'm not ready_ – all of a sudden my footing catches and I land hard on my butt in the cobblestone street. 'Ouchies, the little blue men got their vengeance. I will be prepared next time, ' I proclaimed, slowly picking my sorry self up from the ground and putting my skirt to rights.

'Hime! What are you doing? Get over here,'Ran-chan yells, shaking her head at me good-naturedly. I slowly make my way to her, taking extra care. She engulfs me in a stranglehold; luckily I was well acquainted with her hugs. Gently tapping her back – our secret signal – she toned it down, keeping one arm on my shoulder. I was met with her blue eyes asking so many questions, yet she was not saying a word.

'Are you ready, Hime? I saw their latest video, my Lord! That man's voice alone makes me all w...' 'Rangiku-chan! You have Gin-san!' blushing profusely, I interrupt before she can finish that particular sentence. 'Oh Hime, you know my Gin needs no help in that department,' she quipped wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Are you sure you want to do this, Hime? You know we can turn around right now, get some red bean paste, cookie dough ice-cream and grape soda for super spiders...' her tone serious and concerned.

'I-it's ok, Ran-chan. I-I think I can do this,' I needed her to believe in me, because I was panicking on the inside. My heart was forcefully hammering against my ribcage, 'I can't keep thinking about _him..._ I need some closure...' I wiped a stray tear from my cheek, _now is not the time for tears Orihime! _'Let's just go in. Chances are he will be too into his music to even notice me...'

'Ran, you ladies going inside or what?' the burly bouncer asks. "Yeah hon, Hime and I are good to go – give him our tickets Hime,' Ran-chan instructs, putting on a happy face, concern gone. 'Here you are sir,' I say as I dig the tickets from my bag and hand them to him. Just as my wrist was stamped, Ran-chan takes a hold of my right hand and drags me inside. "We need to get to the very front Hime. He needs to see you,' she informs me as I'm dragged further into the club.

Ran-chan guides us through the nearly pitch black entry way, past the long dark wood bar, artfully dodging the sea of black clad bodies. Just before we enter the mosh pit, she turns to me, face set hard with purpose, 'We're going in, Hime. Be strong.' Her hand squeezes mine. She pushes us through the masses in the pit until we are up against the barricade, not even one metre from the stage. 'Best spot in the house, if I do say so myself,' Ran-chan says, grinning much too like the cat that got the cream. Not a single hair out of place.

'He will certainly see you from here. He would have to be blind to miss someone as beautiful as you,' I blush in reply to her compliment. 'Thank you, thank you for coming with me,' I fidget with my purse, holding it close so that it remains with me. 'I don't think I would have the strength without you here,' I tell her truthfully. I look to the stage – Cuatro Espada in elegant silver script across a black banner, the same lettering on the drum kit, a mic stand in the very centre – _I guess some things never change. _

The mosh pit is filling fast. I almost forgot what it is like, how I can barely see back past all those people standing behind us. There's no room to move, we're pushed up against the barricade, packed in like tinned sardines. The lights all of a sudden dim, white lights much like stars decorating the ceiling. The stage is now enveloped in darkness. Anticipation hangs in the air, the atmosphere increases, everyone is waiting for them. We shouldn't have to wait too long, we skipped the support acts. I can hear shuffling and can just barely make out some movement on the stage. Something is happening – he will be right in front of me very soon. I absentmindedly bite my lip, my nervousness showing through.

_I haven't been this near to him in years, not since... Can I do this? Should I stay or should I run..._

The lick of an electric guitar sounds brilliantly in the darkness. All I can hear is that guitar. I know it's _him._ I felt Ran-chan's left hand curl once more around my right, squeezing tightly. I squeeze her hand back. _This is it – no turning back now._

The roar of the concert-goers swirled between my ears. I'd forgotten the incredible rush of hearing _him _play. As he continues to violently and beautifully shred, a second guitar kicks in, then the bass adds to the melody, spurning that beautiful sound on. The drummer belts out a wicked beat propelling the sound almightily throughout the building – everyone goes wild, roaring in delight.

The roar of the crowd pitted against those violent sounds makes the atmosphere feel electrically charged. Dim light illuminates part of the stage, smoke fills the stage. I can make out his silhouette amongst the smoke from the smoke machines on either side of the stage. He starts to sing and my heart stops, 'I want to break down all of your walls until there is nothing left between you and I... I want to break down all of your walls until there is nothing left, there is nothing left...' His voice, I can't even focus on anyone or anything but him. The stage becomes clearer as a light show kicks off, finally, I can clearly see his face.

Midnight black hair hanging down just past his shoulders, pale complexion, black upper lip, tattooed tear marks streaming down his cheeks, brilliant forest green eyes lined in black. My gaze moves down to his body, still strong and lean, taking in his black Henley, the top buttons undone with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows showing muscular forearms, black skinny jeans enticingly hanging off his hips are tucked into worn black combat boots with the laces undone. I lift my eyes from the very tip of his boots back to his face and freeze. My Ulquiorra is looking right through me, green eyes expressionless. My heart speeds up again and everything else just falls away.

_Does he see me?_

AFTER PARTY

Ran-chan had managed to get us back stage. She really was the best person to be here with me – she knows everyone, from bouncer, to bartender, to roadie, to sound engineer. We didn't even need a backstage pass. She pulls me along a hallway, I struggle to keep up with her long legs. Thank goodness I am wearing flats. We pass a few doors before coming to The Green Room, near the end of the hall. 'Do you think any of them saw me, Ran-chan?' I asked, stopping her in her tracks. She turned around to face me, 'Hime, you were a big part of their lives. I know they saw you. I know he saw you.' I shuffled nervously from side to side, concentrating on a discarded cigarette, stomped into the carpet.

I could hear a familiar rough voice through the door, 'Fucking Princess. Here. _Princess! Here! _Didn't you see her Starrk? Right there in the front row! She sure looked good enough to eat.' A crash sounded from beyond the closed door. I looked hopefully to Ran-chan, 'I guess Nnoitra-kun saw me... Maybe we should go in? We should knock –' Double industrial doors marked with Emergency Exit swing open with a bang. A shock of electric blue hair on a very muscular body makes its way towards us. _Gulp._ 'Oi, Princess, what the fu – fudge are you doin' 'ere?' Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez all but demands.

'Ohayo Grimmjow-kun. Ano, uh well you see – the thing is, ano...' The words just won't come out. I look sadly to my feet, feeling utterly ridiculous, confidence and determination all but evaporated. 'She came for closure, Grimmy,' Ran-chan volunteers, glancing sideways at me. 'Well, he's not here, he just took off out that fu – fudging door,' Grimmjow explains. He looks to me, 'You could probably still catch him, Princess. We all know what emo-spada is like...' He pats the top of my head with his big hand, an upturned smirk playing across his face, 'We've missed you, Princess.' He turns to Ran-chan, opening the door to the Green Room, 'Come on babe, let's go to the after-party. We've got some catchin' up to do.'

I bravely take the emergency exit as directed by Grimmjow-kun and find myself in the alley behind Trade, the heavy doors closing firmly behind me. Brr, it's cold and I didn't bring a jacket. I bring my hands up and rub up and down my arms, creating some warmth. Taking a look around, I notice there's only one way out, so I pass the dumpster and make my way towards the street. I take a left, walking under streetlights towards an area known for its specifically non-hipster bars.

'I'll follow your siren song to my very end. My body is broken and bent...' his voice invades my ears, my heart. He is just up ahead, hands shoved into his jeans pockets, walking steadily towards nowhere in particular. I follow him as quietly as I can, taking extra care not to draw attention to myself, which is harder than I thought. I accidently stumble into a discarded road sign, probably a remnant of recently completed city roadworks. He doesn't even notice. Hoorah! I pump my fist at my awesome ninja skills.

We pass a few bars, a 24 hour coffee shop, and another few bars, none of which are particularly interesting. We walk on for another five or so minutes until he stops, makes a left and descends down a set of stairs. I wait. I can't go in just yet, it's all so real now. This will be the first time I have spoken to him in eight long years... The first time I'll be close to him in eight long years. I need to do this. It all has to stop – I need to move on, thoughts of him are holding me back. I descend the stairs and make my way into a dingily lit entryway, push through the oak doors and scan the room for him.

He is seated at the bar, most likely with a scotch. He looks so calm, so collected. That is nothing new. I take a look around, there aren't too many people here, it's not busy at all considering it is a Friday night and the Cuatro Espada show just let out not a half hour ago. There are only two bartenders. _You can do this, Orihime. _ I make my way towards him, stopping about a metre from his left. _This is it, Orihime. It all ends here. _'Ulqui-kun,' I hesitantly ask. The glass at his lips pauses, his head moves towards his left, his forest green eyes look to mine.

'Ohayo, Ulqui-kun,' I shyly say.

_I'm not scared._


	3. Chapter 3

Running Scared Chapter 3

ULQUIORRA

_She sits herself down in the empty seat to my left. "Ohayo, Ulqui-kun," she all but whispers, silver eyes shyly peering into my own. _

"_Another," I again signal to the bartender. I will need it. _

The bartender places another scotch in front of me. I do not have a problem with alcohol – I just need the liquor to calm me down, for she has just seated herself next to me. I bring it to my lips, taking a careful sip. I place the glass back on the bar top. I turn to my left, and look to her.

She is not facing me. Her head is bent towards the ground. She is fidgeting with her skirt, rolling the fabric between her fingers. I can hear her unsteady breathing. _What does she want? _'Orihime,' she lifts her head and looks into my eyes. 'How did you come to be here?' I ask, ever to the point.

'Oh, um, well you see, I err saw you and your band on MTV last week,' is her meek reply. Internally, I roll my eyes, 'Well, that is not unusual. Our AV's have been on heavy rotation for the past eight years. That is neither here nor there. I asked you how you came to be _here_.' Silence ensues for a good twenty seconds.

'I followed you,' she bites her bottom lip and looks away from my gaze, a sure sign of her anxiously awaiting my reaction. I am amazed that I can still read her so well, after all this time. Before I can even contemplate the meaning of her words, our conversation is rudely interrupted, 'What are you drinking?' the female bartender begrudgingly asks Orihime, whilst sweeping her eyes over the vicinity of my chest, breasts pushed up as she leans across the counter, licking her pierced lips. That coy smile does not quite work given her current position. _Not interested, trash._

'She will have a lemon, lime and bitters. Add it to my tab,' not even thinking, I answer for Orihime. 'Yes, can I please have a lemon, lime and bitters – without vodka thank you,' ever so polite she clarifies. Some things never change. _She has never been one for alcohol, understandably so, given her unfortunate upbringing._ 'You remembered...' she looks past me, eyes unseeing, unfocused. _What is she thinking about? _

'You are purposely avoiding my question – _'I followed you' _– is not the response I wanted to hear. Elaborate, I am no mood for games.' I look directly into her eyes, as if I wanted to crawl inside her very soul. She could never deny me anything if I were to look upon her in such a way. I wonder has time changed her. As the silence between us deepens, I am somewhat lost in my own mind.

I will not let her affect my mind or my actions. _I wonder does my presence affect her? Does she think back to our time together? Doubtful, however she is here. But why did she follow me? What is her angle, what is it that she wants. I doubt it is money that she is after..._

I do not know how much longer I can stand to be in her presence. My right hand beats out a new rhythm on my thigh, physically expressing what I will not allow my mind to turn to. I can be very patient. I am well practiced when it comes to the art of silence.

I could barely make out her whispered 'closure,' her teeth have not ceased to worry her bottom lip. How curious. I can tell that her anxiety and nervousness is increasing. I add fuel to that fire, 'And what exactly do you mean by that? Closure – I am fairly certain that you left me. There is nothing further to clarify. You terminated our relationship.' My words are harsh, the want to impress my feelings into her very soul, so high. I still look directly into her eyes, forcing her to remember exactly what had transpired between us._ Does she feel her heart? Does it constrict with pain, or does it feel nothing, I do wonder._

Her chin starts to quiver, tears pooling in the inner corners of her eyes, one lonely droplet escaping and trailing down her cheek. She quickly wipes it away with the back of her hand. Her drink had somehow been placed in front of her. I failed to notice when, insignificant. She looked, regretful? _I do not understand her, this – whatever 'this' may be._

'I thought I could do this, Ulqui-kun, I really did,' a bittersweet smile spreads across her face, more tears falling down both cheeks. Her face is taking on that flushed hue. That smile does not look as though it was forced. 'It's a lot more difficult than I first thought. As I watched you perform tonight, I was you once again had me in your thrall, caught in your web. I didn't come for that. I didn't follow you for that... I just, wanted to say I am sorry for how it ended...back then.'

A tiredness comes over her, she sighs rather delicately, but continues to look right into my eyes, 'I just wanted to apologise for how badly I treated you...but then I saw you for the first time in eight years, singing so brilliantly, captivating the entire place with your very presence, the crowd hanging on your every word, every lick of your guitar...and I changed my mind.' That said, again, she turns her gaze away, lowering her head to the floor.

'Apologise and be done with it, woman. Have your closure,' I move my right hand to her left cheek forcing her to face me, digging my fingers into her skin a little too forcefully. _I will make her remember my touch, its meaning. _The air is thick with tension and something I cannot quite pinpoint.

Ping! Ping! I can feel my iPhone vibrating in my back pocket. Removing my hand from her face, I locate the infernal annoyance. 4 missed calls and 11 text messages, all from Grimmjow. I close my eyes and noticeably exhale. Should I even entertain whatever his latest predicament may be...

Grimmjow's picture illuminates the screen – I had better answer it to stop this nonsense from continuing. 'Excuse me for one moment,' I say to her, sliding my forefinger across the screen and bringing the phone to my ear. 'Speak.'

'Oi fuckface, finally – I've been trying to get through for 45 god damn minutes! This is serious, Ulquiorra. Princess may have followed you, so uh be fuckin' prepared,' came his usual gruff voice, barely heard through the cesspit of techno that blasted in the background. 'So it would seem,' I disconnected the call, just making out a 'the fuck?' I turned the infernal bother off, directing my gaze to her once more, 'Continue or kindly leave my presence.'

She is hurt by my harsh words, but she should have expected them. She knew me far more intimately than any other breathing being. 'It wasn't what it seemed Ulqui-kun,' she said as she slowly shook her head. 'At that time, there were outside influences...I never wanted to hurt you.' I didn't realise that I had been leaning into her. We were not ten centimetres from each other. 'I came to your concert to see you perform one last time. I followed you as Grimmy-chan told me you'd left through the alleyway. I came into this bar to say goodbye to you and put an end to old ghosts. But when I look at you, here, now, I don't want closure...' her hand reaches out and gingerly touches mine.

I let her touch me – but why? _She is the very reason for which I am so empty._ I am confused, I know not what direction she will take. She will not know these thoughts. My mask firmly in place, my expression blank, I wait for her to continue.

'Is there a small chance that we could be – could be friends, Ulquiorra?' the fact that she used my full name betrays how serious she is about this. 'I would very much like it if you could give me that one chance. I don't think that I could go another day not being in your life,' her eyes search mine for even a hint of an answer.

'I do not know how I feel about this,' the words escape my mouth before I've even had a chance to consider her request. _Ulquiorra, you voiced the one thing you wished to hide from her. Trash._ This was not what I had expected – not at all. I remove her hand from mine. I cannot have her about my person.

'Finish your drink,' I instruct. I signal the blonde to pick up my tab. I failed to finish my last drink, it is of no consequence. I hand over the hundred with a brusque, 'Keep the change.' I pick myself up from the seat and make my way towards the exit, leaving her utterly crushed at the bar. I will not look back, for she will draw me back in. It is taking every fibre in my being not to give in to her. For if I do, she will ruin me a second time. That will not do.

I faintly hear a scrambling of chairs and light footsteps behind me. Her desperate and wounded voice calling to me as I ascend the stairs, 'Ulqui-kun! I know now must not be the time, but if you would reconsider, Grimmy-chan has my number.' I continue on my way as if I had not heard her. I will not follow her siren song, not tonight.

I make my way through the street. I hail a cab. I open the rear passenger door, 'Hueco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei.' As I am driven through the heavily lit Downtown District to my apartment, I contemplate her last desperate cry, 'Grimmy-chan has my number.'

_Does he now..._


	4. Chapter 4

Running Scared Chapter 4

ORIHIME

_I make my way towards him, stopping about a metre from his left. This is it, Orihime. It all ends here. 'Ulqui-kun,' I hesitantly ask. The glass at his lips pauses, his head moves towards his left, his forest green eyes look to mine. _

'_Ohayo, Ulqui-kun,' I shyly say. _

_I'm not scared._

* * *

I move the seat and settle upon the bar stool next to him. A blonde shaggy haired barman places what I suspect is a scotch in from of him. I watch him bring the glass to his lips and take a sip. He has such luscious lips, so perfect... _Wah, don't get distracted_. I drop my eyes to my lap, fidgeting with the hem of my skirt. _Gah, just stay calm and think about why you're here._

'Orihime,' his cool voice interrupts my thoughts. I lift my gaze, letting the smooth fabric fall from between my fingers and look him right in the eyes. 'How did you come to be here?' He was always so precise, coming straight to the point. His face shows no expression, as he seemingly patient, awaits my response. _How did I come to be here... _'Oh, um, well you see, I err saw you and your band on MTV last week,' I push the words from my mouth.

His tone is biting, 'Well, that is not unusual. Our AV's have been on heavy rotation for the past eight years. That is neither here nor there. I asked you how you came to be _here_.' I'm not sure how I want to answer his question, as I know even though he may be patient, if I don't give him something he will leave.

'I followed you,' I blurt out, anxiously biting my lip, awaiting his reaction. I look anywhere but at him. I don't know if I am ready for this at all, maybe this wasn't such a good idea... Maybe I can't do this. Maybe I shouldn't be here at – 'What are you drinking?' a petite heavily tattooed woman asks me, although she is looking straight at Ulquiorra. I don't like it.

Maybe she is more his type, more in tune with his rock star image. I'm just a pre-school teacher who has no tattoos or piercings to speak of... Ulquiorra has his face tattoos, amongst others. He has such beautiful, glossy black hair. _I want to run my fingers through it, once again feeling its softness on my skin_ – 'She will have a lemon, lime and bitters. Add it to my tab,' he orders, and I'm brought back from my wistful thinking. He is not even looking in her direction, but that doesn't change my feelings of inadequacy. 'Yes, can I please have a lemon, lime and bitters – without vodka thank you,' I confirm my beverage order, in all honesty utterly astounded that he remembers my favourite drink. 'You remembered...' And just like that, my mind turns to the past...

* * *

_**FLASHBACK 23:02pm Friday 28 November 2003**_

_Kurosaki Ichigo's Basement Karakura Town_

_Inoue Orihime 17 years old_

_I was sitting on one of the worn in brown leather couches in Kurosaki-kun's basement, between Ishida Uryuu and Kurosaki-kun. The coffee table was laden with vodka, rum, beer, red cups, and various mixers. Potato chips and crackers had been worked into the dark grey carpet. Kurosaki-san was at an international medical conference in Singapore, so Kurosaki-kun had decided to throw an end of the school year celebration, taking full advantage of his father's absence. _

_He was a little drunk, and had been trying to plow me with alcohol for the better part of the night. I don't like to drink alcohol, and he knows this. What's worse is that he knows why I don't want to. He leaned his head close to my ear and dragged one hand up my thigh, my skin starts to prickle – this is not what I want. I need to leave. His hand has moved underneath my skirt. I start to shake. He doesn't even notice. I'm reminded of something long past, but still at the forefront of my mind. I don't think I want to be here anymore..._

_Someone comes swiftly down the stairs, their steps purposeful. A dark aura spreads throughout the room, the mindless chatter of the party completely stops. 'Kurosaki, remove yourself from the woman's presence this instant,' Schiffer Ulquiorra's distinctly monotonous voice and threat noted by all. Kurosaki-kun noticeably tenses, removing his hand and putting some distance between us. He is dumbfounded. 'If I see you so much as place yourself within a 5 foot radius of my woman again, you will suffer,' Ulquiorra's threat is heavy in the air, and with that he takes my hand in his and drags me from the couch, up the stairs away from Kurosaki-kun and the bad memories that have begun to resurface..._

* * *

'You are purposely avoiding my question – _'I followed you' _– is not the response I wanted to hear. Elaborate, I am no mood for games.' I am brought back to the present by his commanding words, thankful that I don't take a longer trip down the darkest recesses of my past. He is looking at me as though he wants to devour me. _Eep!_ He knows I can't help but surrender to him when he does that. His beautiful forest green eyes are looking right into my soul. _I will not drown in those vast depths. I will not falter. _His hand beats out some song or rhythm on his thigh, _is he nervous? _I'll give him what he so wants.

'Closure,' I whisper, finally giving my thoughts a voice. He is not going to like this one bit. I worry my bottom lip harder between my front teeth as I brace myself for the storm that I am sailing right into. I have to be strong. I can do this, I can be strong. _It's my fault anyway, I will endure_. I won't look away from him. 'And what exactly do you mean by that? Closure – I am fairly certain that you left me. There is nothing further to clarify. You terminated our relationship.'

His question isn't exactly a surprise. He has always been a curious creature.

However his tone is much harsher than I expected, his eyes look as though he is trying to force me to do something...but what? _What can I do, Ulqui-kun?_ My chin quivers, I just know I'll start crying soon. I must try to control my tears. He always hated it when I cried, even though he never voiced it, I could tell. A tear escapes and travels down my cheek, I quickly wipe it away with my hand. _Maybe I can't do this after all._

'I thought I could do this, Ulqui-kun, I really did,' I try to give him a real smile, but more tears come. Why does this have to be so hard? _Get it together, Orihime. Endure it, don't tell him everything, but you at least owe him an answer to his question, considering you did follow him here._ 'It's a lot more difficult than I first thought. As I watched you perform tonight, I was you once again had me in your thrall, caught in your web. I didn't come for that. I didn't follow you for that... I just, wanted to say I am sorry for how it ended...back then.' The words just fell out, I didn't even have to think about it.

The little blue men must be working hard in my brain tonight. I'm so exhausted, this is exhausting. I need to get it all out. A small sigh creeps past my lips, but my eyes remain focused on him, 'I just wanted to apologise for how badly I treated you...but then I saw you for the first time in eight years, singing so brilliantly, captivating the entire place with your very presence, the crowd hanging on your every word, every lick of your guitar...and I changed my mind.' I can't bear to see his reaction. I look at the ground, awaiting his next cruel words, his next dismissal of my very being – it's no less than I deserve.

'Apologise and be done with it, woman. Have your closure,' his big hand suddenly engulfs my left cheek. _Eep! Where did that come from? _ He forces me to face him, fingers digging into my skin. His forcefulness hurts. _I know what his forcefulness means. He wants something both physical and emotional from me. Ah, I remember how it was between us...his touch was everything to me. Still is everything to me... _The air is so thick with tension I could slice it with a knife.

'Ping! Ping!' An iPhone message alert chimes, interrupting this moment, whatever it may mean. He removes his hand from my face and gracefully digs out an iPhone 6 from his back jeans pocket. _Who can even do that in skinny jeans? _He closes his eyes and breathes out. He seems somewhat frustrated. I wonder who has him this way. _I hope it's not someone important, like a girlfriend. _

Blink 182's I Miss You sounds. 'Excuse me for one moment,' he says to me, turning away as he slides his long index finger across the phone's screen, bringing it to his ear. 'Speak,' he orders.

My secret spy skills can only make out loud techno music. I can't hear the voice on the other end of the phone. 'So it would seem,' are Ulquiorra's only words to the mystery caller. It looks like he hung up on whoever it was. He turned his phone off then places it back in his pocket. He looks back to me, 'Continue or kindly leave my presence.'

Ouch, but I should have known, he is nearly at the end of his tether if his words are anything to go by. After all, not many people get close to Ulquiorra, he guards the gates to his castle quite heavily. 'It wasn't what it seemed Ulqui-kun,' I say as I shake my head, deciding that I just need to get on with it. He doesn't make idle threats. 'At that time, there were outside influences...I never wanted to hurt you.' He is leaning closer and closer to me. I can nearly touch his cheek with my own. I want to touch him. I want to be close with him.

'I came to your concert to see you perform one last time. I followed you as Grimmy-chan told me you'd left through the alleyway. I came into this bar to say goodbye to you and put an end to old ghosts. But when I look at you, here, now, I don't want closure...' I gently reach out for his hand, and wonder whether he will let me get away with such an intimate act.

He doesn't push my hand away. I bask in the softness of his skin, lighting up internally. He's letting me touch him, but his face isn't giving anything away. _Should I continue? Will he want to hear this? He isn't moving away from me..._ Ah, you may not ever get another chance, Orihime.

This is it. Do or die. 'Is there a small chance that we could be – could be friends, Ulquiorra?' I ask him directly, using his name. 'I would very much like it if you could give me that one chance. I don't think that I could go another day not being in your life' There, I said it, my eyes look to his searching for any reaction or acknowledgment of what I've just asked him for. I know I don't deserve it, him or this chance.

'I do not know how I feel about this,' is his rushed response. Strange – he is always so calm, so collected, he is not one to rush or become flustered. I scoff internally, doubting that those particular traits have changed. His rushed response must be my imagination. He removes his hand from mine. _I will not cry at the loss. I will not cry at the loss. Will I ever feel his touch again? _'Finish your drink,' another order. _Drink, when did my drink get here?_ I note that he has not finished the drink in front of him, condensation water droplets falling down the sides of the glass. He hands the bartender a crisp hundred dollar bill with a brusque, 'Keep the change.'

He removes himself from his seat and the current situation. He hasn't even said goodbye, he is just leaving me here. _What did I _expect... I feel utterly defeated. But I won't give up. _He touched my face. He let my hand touch his. _My Ulquiorra, my Prince of Darkness, is not one for meaningless physical touch. Realisation smacking me right in my face, I suck in a breath. _This is not the end of this! _

I scramble down from my chair, knocking my hip in my frantic rush to catch him. I'll deal with that bruise later, it is just like the little blue men to try and thwart my resolve. It can't end here – I can't let him walk away. Not this time.

My footsteps echo against the wooden floor as I desperately, yet hopefully determinedly call out to him, 'Ulqui-kun! I know now must not be the time, but if you would reconsider, Grimmy-chan has my number.' He doesn't even acknowledge me, he just continues on as though he hasn't heard my plea. _What is he thinking about – is he thinking about me, about us?_

I watch him ascend the stairs and exit the bar, making his way into the night. The ball is in his court.

I wonder, _does he even remember... _

**Author's Note:**

**Hello to all of you who have read, reviewed, followed, and favourited this story. I'd like to say a massive thank you **** I am really quite surprised and flattered by you all. I find it really interesting that you all are from different corners of the globe. So darn cool!**

**The next chapter will focus on parts of Ulquiorra and Orihime's relationship before it ended eight years ago, when he was 21 and she was 20. I hope to have this chapter completed within the next week or so. **

**Please note that this story is rated M for language, dark scenes (which will be in the next chapter), and future intimate scenes. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Running Scared **

Chapter 5

_I make my way through the street. I hail a cab. I open the rear passenger door, 'Hueco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei.' As I am driven through the heavily lit Downtown District to my apartment, I contemplate her last desperate cry, 'Grimmy-chan has my number.' _

_Does he now..._

* * *

ULQUIORRA

Wednesday December 10 2014 22:52pm

Hueco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei

Penthouse Suite A

Sitting in my black leather wing-backed chair, I look out of my bedroom's floor to ceiling windows, taking in the expanse of concrete and bright neon lights as far as my eyes can see. What an extreme contrast, dreary, grey buildings showcasing bright light reflections in their glass paned windows. I live in one of two penthouse suites on the top floor of Heuco Mundo Apartments in Sereitei. My residence is one of our cities most luxurious and sought after residential towers.

My suite is minimalistic, furnished and decorated in blacks, greys and whites. It has a real industrial feel. I care not for a life of luxury, preferring sleek modern design and simplicity. I found myself taken in by the state of the art security system. Security is something that should be coveted.

I relish the quiet confines of my suite, thankful for its soundproof walls. I do not want to hear others, or have others overhearing my personal matters. It would be far too troublesome if our fans were to ever encroach upon my fortress. My private life is mine alone.

Grimmjow is also a resident of this building, occupying the other penthouse suite. I do not mind living in such close quarters, as he has been trained to leave my presence once he has overstayed his welcome. He is well aware of the signs. Starrk lives in a Southern Plantation-styled mansion in the suburbs with his teenage sister, Lily-nette, and his wife, Tia Harribel. Nnoi lives in a decrepit loft downtown, and is puzzlingly content. He does what he wants, who he wants, when he wants.

When we have downtime, we each go our separate ways, back to as much normalcy as our own lives can afford us. I crave normalcy. Although in this world, I am beginning to find it less and less.

I consider calling _her_, for the forty-sixth time this evening. I cannot remove the sound of her voice, the smell of her skin, her hair, her very being out of my mind. I feel as though I have been drugged. I am intoxicated by her memory. My Hime is much more courageous and demanding than I remember. I quite like it.

Grimmjow bombarded me with questions once he had returned from the after-party in the early hours of Saturday morning. He scrawled her mobile phone number in black permanent marker on the mirror in my hall. I should engage the resident building manager to remove it. Although, I will never forget that number, like many other things about _her_...

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

_**Friday November 28 2003 23:29pm**_

_**Orchard Road, Karakura Town**_

_**Schiffer Ulquiorra, 18 years old**_

_The first snow of the season was falling all around us. Luckily, I had prepared for such weather. I was clad in dark wash denim jeans, a dark grey long sleeved raglan, my black pea coat and green scarf. She was wrapped up in a purple military coat, her soft white jumper and floral a line skirt completely hidden. I could hear her light steps, her brown leather boots crunching in the snow. Neither of us had thought to bring gloves._

_I took her hand in mine, dragged her up the stairs, and out the doors of the Kurosaki residence not a half hour ago. We walked hand in hand down Orchard Road in Downtown Karakura, snow a fine dust atop every surface. Her fine-boned, delicate fingers intertwined with my own, the softness of her hand against my own palm, rough with calluses. Warmth spread through me, from her. Where I led, she followed. _

_Tears were trailing down her cheeks. Her head was bowed; she was silent, not even a whimper escaping her lips. Her breathing is calm, composed. She has mentally shut down. That trash, Kurosaki. I could tear him limb from limb._

'_Hime?' I ask, coming to a stop. Silence._

_She stops walking, breathe exhaling through her nose, clearly visible in the chilly weather. _

'_Orihime?' I ask. More silence._

'_Woman.' I quietly command, as the hand not intertwined with hers moved up her left arm, along her shoulder, her neck, to her cheek. I wiped her tears away with my thumb. Her eyes blinked closed, then opened. Grey orbs looking at me, but through me. _

'_Don't go back there,' I whisper into her ear, bringing her close to me in a full bodied hug. She needs this right now. She needs me. _

'_I can feel his hands on me Ulqui-kun... I-I-I c-can fe-feel him on me, Ulqui-kun...' she chokes out, as her tears intensify and her whole body trembles. Snow still falls around us, encompassing everything in clean, crisp white._

_She is stiff in my arms, but is letting me hold her. I rub one hand across her back, trying to comfort her through her thick woollen coat. This is all that I can do for her. I mentally will her to just forget. She does not need to remember. I know her secrets. I know what she fears. I know where her mind goes. I growl audibly at the thought of that bastard who has hurt her in unimaginable ways... That bastard is the very substance of nightmares sprung forth into eternal torment. _

* * *

ORIHIME

Wednesday December 10 2014 22:52pm

Watermark Apartments, Newmarket

Flat 27

It's been four days since I put all my cards on the table. Well, almost all of my cards. I'm lying face down on my stomach upon my perfectly disarrayed bed, my fingers clutching fiercely to the pillow.

Is he thinking about me? I know he ignored my last words to him, but I can't help but have a little hope. He did after all touch my face and he let me touch him. Touch is something that Ulquiorra does not lightly give or receive. He has never been one for false comfort or affection... I sigh with a very audible 'Hmmm.'

I again relived our conversation at that seedy dive bar in my head for the millionth time since Friday night – the few words he spoke, his manner, his very presence still very much intense and commanding. Wah! I flip onto my back, launching my arms across my face, blocking the world (my ceiling fan) from view. I need to stop thinking about him. Men never call when you are thinking about them – that wished for phone call always comes when they are far from your mind, or on a date with another man.

Maybe that's what I need to do. Yes, I will go on a date with another man, and while I am having a ton of fun, laughing and smiling, he will call! It will happen. I wonder if Nel-chan knows of any available men? Maybe I should text her... But do I really want to do that? Do I really want to date anyone other than him? Can I even open myself up to someone that isn't him? _I never have before._

The last time someone else touched me was that night, back when I was 17 at Kurosaki-kun's end of year celebration. A shiver ran down my back, my skin turning to ice as my mind flashed back to that particular night. I hadn't thought about that night at Kurosaki-kun's in years.

Dark memories rising from the cavernous depths of my mind, I hope they sink right to the bottom... What's that song? The one that goes, 'I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.' It's on the tip of my tongue, but I just can't remember. If only I could forget so many other things...

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

_**Friday November 28 2003 23:29pm**_

_**Orchard Road, Karakura Town**_

_**Inoue Orihime, 17 years old**_

_I can't even focus on anything but keeping calm and not losing it. I know he is with me, I know he is here. I know he took me away, but I can't stop it. I can't stop the flood of memories. I can't stop the pain, the hurt, the betrayal. _

_This emptiness won't go away. _

_I can't feel him, I can't feel anything. I am numb. _

_Tear falls down my face. I can't stop it. _

_I am trembling. I can't stop it. _

_I am cold. _

_I am dirty._

_Will I ever be warm again – perhaps, but only if he is here with me. _

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

_**Sunday February 16 1994 03:46am**_

_**11/67 Turner Street, Rukongai District**_

_**Inoue Residence**_

_**Inoue Orihime, 8 years old **_

_I'm hiding under the covers on my bed, a dirty moth-eaten baby mattress. Sora, my older brother is next to me on the floor. No blanket covers him. I am scared. I can hear noises from the kitchen. _

_That man is back. Again._

'_Fuck off you filfthy whore,' that man yells. Glass shatters across the tiles, smashing loudly in the kitchen. Something slams hard against a cupboard._

_A smack. A thump. I wonder what that sound was? Did something heavy slide down onto the floor?_

'_Filthy whore,' that man yells. I hear a groan. Is that mummy?_

'_Mummy,' I cry. Oh no! Now that man will know that I am here, awake._

_Loud footsteps quickly make their way to Sora's and my closed door. That man breathes heavily on the other side._

_I don't like it when that man comes here._

_I can hear the door opening and that man coming closer._

_I can't see him, but I can smell him._

_He smells like old garbage and cigarettes._

_I don't like that smell._

_My blanket is pulled away from me. _

_I start crying. 'Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!' I scream out, I want someone to help me._

_Mummy doesn't come in here._

_Sora won't wake up – he never does._

_I keep my eyes closed._

_I can feel that man's big hand on my leg. It moves up to my nightie, lifting it up. It touches my underwear._

_I don't like that man._

_I don't like Daddy._

_I don't like what that man does at night._

* * *

ORIHIME

Wednesday December 10 2014 23:52pm

Watermark Apartments, Newmarket

Flat 27

Tears are still falling down my face from that particular memory. I hate that man. That man who I supposedly shared half my DNA with. That man took away my childhood, my innocence, my purity.

I am so dirty.

I haven't thought about that man in years until Friday, when I was with him. It's not his fault. It's stupid emotional Orihime's fault. This is what happens when you let your guard down, kids.

'Urrgghh,' l groan as I look at my alarm clock haphazardly situated on my white bedside table: 23:52pm. I've been lost in my memories for an hour. A whole hour! I can't blame those pesky little blue men for thwarting my early to bed plans that would've been jam packed dreaming of ice cream men and gummy bear ghouls, 'Muwahaha.' My super evil laugh needs to be heard. I do not want to be at my super early meeting tomorrow. No one should be at school at 7:00am, definitely not us poor teachers!

'Can you feel my heart,' sounds loudly from somewhere underneath the bedclothes. My mobile phone is ringing. Who could it be this late on a Wednesday night? I need sleep. Not even my dreamland plans or super evil laugh can cheer me up.

I think I'll just ignore it. _It's not like it'll be anyone important. _Probably only Tatsuki calling to check that I've set my alarm for the early meeting. You sleep in 'til 3pm on a school day one time, one time!

Locating my phone with my foot, I push it off the bed and onto the floor. I make my way between my covers and reach over, shutting off my bedside lamp. To sleep, to sleep. I rest my head upon my comforting pillows, my many tears far from dry. Sometimes, it's like I'm drowning in a never-ending ocean of pain.

_If only I really could drown my demons, and all my bad memories along with them. _

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Hello again :) I am so happy that you all have been reading my story. Thank you :)**

**Your feedback and thoughts about this story and my writing are very important, I really appreciate those who have given their time to PM and Review.**

**Chapter 5 is later to be posted than I had originally anticipated. I've been a bit preoccupied with work, there is a lot to be done before my month long holiday. Babymetal and Bring Me the Horizon were on repeat when writing this Chapter.  
**

**Chapter 6 is something to look forward to. I have dedicated my Sunday to Chapter 6.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Running Scared Chapter 6**

_Locating my phone with my foot, I push it off the bed and onto the floor. I make my way between my covers and reach over, shutting off my bedside lamp. To sleep, to sleep. I rest my head upon my comforting pillows, my many tears far from dry. Sometimes, it's like I'm drowning in a never-ending ocean of pain. _

_If only I really could drown my demons, and all my bad memories along with them. _

* * *

ULQUIORRA

Wednesday December 10 2014 23:52pm

Hueco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei

Penthouse Suite A

I cannot stop thinking about her. My decision obvious, I will call her. I push myself out of my favourite chair and walk over to my neatly made low set, king-sized black wooden framed bed. I retrieve my iPhone from the charcoal doona cover, punch in my pass code, and key in her number. I put the phone on speaker. I feel as though I am a thirteen year old calling his crush for the first time. Ridiculous, I've known the woman since that time.

The number dialled continues to ring. I wait for her to answer my call, she does not answer. I let the phone ring out and disconnect. Before I lock the phone and turn it to silent for the night, I check the time. I let out a long sigh - careless, insensitive. It is nearly midnight after all, she is most likely sleeping. I will call her again in the morning.

As I make my way to my en-suite for a most welcome hot shower, I contemplate calling on Grimmjow for a late night jam session. I open the glass door and turn both shower heads to scolding. Grimmjow would certainly be up for it, the incessant night owl that he is.

As the steam in the room rises, I remove my hooded sweatshirt, faded gray Nirvana t-shirt, black basketball shorts, and finally, my boxer briefs. Testing the water's temperature with one hand and finding it agreeable, I step into the shower. The heat and pressure of the water flows over my skin, I revel in the glory of modern bathroom fittings. Such contentment is only bettered by a more primal form of physical expression.

I find myself feeling inspired. I want to act on it while I can. I know it is her. She is behind every song I have ever written. It is always her. There is no escape regardless of what I do or where I am, I am forever under her spell. The fiery red siren will lead me to my very death. I have come to terms with and accepted my fate long ago.

Before I let her back into my world – no, back into myself – I need to know exactly what happened eight years ago. Whatever occurred, it must have been monumental. Perhaps there was an element of force or duress? She would not have left me otherwise. The real question is will she tell me.

Is friendship the appropriate way of perhaps rekindling our relationship? Will she want more or less from me? How deep exactly am I prepared to take this? I highly doubt that I can be just a friend to her... No matter the amount of time past, the hurt suffered, or distance between us, she is never far from my thoughts.

As the water beats heavily down upon me, soaking into every pore of my skin, I am consumed again with thoughts of her. I find myself wanting to possess her, claim her, and be with her always. This is the way in which it has always been, ever since the day I first laid eyes on her beautiful soul...

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

_**Tuesday September 13 1998, 15:11pm**_

_**Karakura Middle School **_

_**Karakura Town**_

_**Ulquiorra Schiffer, 12 years old**_

_The Counsellor's office is in a completely separate building to the main campus. I wait patiently outside Mr Arai's office door. It is closed. A horizontal strip of light is all that escapes from the room. I cannot even hear muffled voices or any tearful reactions. I cannot hear anything at all beyond the closed door. This room must be sound proofed. How curious. Definitely a good thing, particularly in my case._

_School had finished 41 minutes ago. Mr Arai is not usually late. I wonder what is holding him up. My appointment was scheduled to begin at 15:00pm sharp. I have better ways to spend my time. Band practice with Grimm and Nnoi is in precisely – I look to my left wrist – 17 minutes. Unacceptable. _

_I'm seated on a bright red and incredibly uncomfortable fabric couch. Posters align one windowless wall promoting positive thinking, positive choices, and positive attitudes. Ridiculous. Things cannot possibly be such a way all of the time. Pamphlets and brochures hang from a rack to my right. Their content signifies more realistic problems, for those who really are not fortunate enough to have it together. _

_Drugs, delinquency, depression, and parental and familial relationship breakdown, are among some of the subjects on display – nothing at all about how to effectively deal with and recover from one's father brutally murdering one's mother with a brick. _

_I open my backpack at my feet, and rummage around for a roll up or an apple. Finding an apple amongst my homework, I bring it to my mouth and take a big bite. I start tapping out a beat with my foot. I will remember this for later. Inwardly I sigh, I do not want to be here. No advice this man has can help. _

_Looking again at my watch, there are now 14 minutes until I have to be at Grimm's house. How tedious. I take another two bites of my apple before tossing its core in the rubbish bin across from me. I bend down to retrieve my backpack, sling it across one shoulder and stand up. Just as I am about to walk out of the office and make my way to Grimm's, Mr Arai's door bursts open._

_A wave of auburn hair rushes past me, the smell of coconuts and the beach surrounding me. "Miss Inoue, please come back!" Mr Arai yells, but it's too late. That girl is long gone, out the door so swiftly I am surprised she did not knock me over. Mr Arai does not even make a move to go after her. I turn to him, apparently he is quite stunned. 'That I presume is the reason for your delay this afternoon?' with that said, I turn on my heel and stalk out of the office. I do not require his assistance any longer; the insufferable fool cannot even control a little girl._

_Pushing the doors to the building open, I walk steadily towards the back exit of Karakura Middle School. Luckily my bi-weekly counselling sessions are located towards the school's rear. I keep to the paths that wind around the football field towards the back gate. As I walk through the gate, I come face to face with the owner of the delicious coconut smelling hair._

_She is divinity incarnate. Shoulder length hair, her fringe fixed to one side with two bright blue six-petalled hair pins, large stormy gray eyes, small nose, flushed cheeks and berry stained lips. She was quite small, too skinny, even more so than me. I could see her collar bones jutting out from her unbuttoned collar. Her school tie was tied incorrectly. Her shirt and skirt loose and faded in colour, though the state of her uniform took nothing away from her beauty. I was captivated._

_I noticed perhaps a little too late, the tears pooling in her eyes, threatening to fall. Her bottom lip was trembling. 'Are you alright?' I ask. I did not elaborate any further or offer any speculation. At first she did not answer my question, instead looking at her feet. _

_I moved closer towards her, carefully placing my left hand on her right shoulder. I felt compelled to comfort her. This feeling, I have never before felt in all my life. I am not one who has known affection. I placed my right hand on her left shoulder, pressure light. She looked up from her feet directly into my eyes._

"_I don't think it will ever be alright,' her voice at breaking point, the tears left the corners of her eyes and silently slid down her flushed cheeks. I moved closer still to her, enveloping her small frame in a hug, acting as if a marionette puppet artfully positioned by the grand puppet master. Her small arms come around my lithe frame, as though trying to merge with me. I stroke her hair with one hand and rub her back with the other. _

_Curious. No other has ever pulled such actions from me. What power does she have over me, and why? Why do I want to be closer to her? Why do I want to soothe her and keep her safe? Surely a person such as me can offer no comfort to another broken being. I can feel her trembling, though not a sound escapes her lips. Curious._

"_I am Ulquiorra. Do you need me to walk you home?' I ask. I can feel her head shaking 'no'. "Do you need me to stay here?" I feel her head nodding 'yes'. I will forgo practice today. That thought came out of nowhere, but my decision has been made. Grimm will be unhappy, but that does not bother me. Nnoi can entertain him this afternoon. I am sure they will enjoy Tekkan 2 on Grimm's new Playstation._

_I slowly remove my arms from her, and hers from me. I shift my backpack so that I am carrying it in one hand, holding her hand in the other. "Would you like to go somewhere?" She nods. She trails silently along beside me. I walk us towards the park. I find my favourite tree and sit us on the bench beneath its shady canopy. This is not a place I have ever shared with another. This is much too curious – I am led by something more than my mind._

_A light breeze ruffles its branches. We still sit in silence. She still holds my hand. She moves herself closer to me, her thigh touching mine. I let her sit this close beside me without even a second thought. I glance at my watch, 17:46 pm. Worried that it's nearing dark I ask her if she needs to get home._

'_No. No home to go to. No one waiting for me,' she whispers in a sing-song. Her hand squeezes mine, but it does not hurt. "There is no one waiting for me either," I volunteer. I will not ask her why she had an appointment with Mr Arai. I think I already know the answer; she may be more broken than me. I shuffle a little closer to her, squeezing her hand as if to signify I will never let her go. _

* * *

ULQUIORRA

Thursday December 11 2014 00:16am

Hueco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei

Penthouse Suite A

Ever since the day I first met her, I cared for her – without reason, and without question. I turn the taps off, step out of the shower and onto the bathmat. I reach for a charcoal bath sheet, wrapping it around my hips. I walk over to the vanity, wiping away the steam from the mirror with one hand.

I stare at my reflection, the fact that the day I had met her for the first time was over sixteen years ago. I was twelve, nearly thirteen at the time. I was in my eighth grade of middle school. She was in her seventh year. It is hard to fathom that I am now a man of twenty-nine, and she a woman of twenty-eight.

I open the lower medicine cabinet to retrieve my electric toothbrush. I smear toothpaste onto the brush and push the button and brush away. Placing it down once I have finished, I turn on the tap and cup my hands together, filling them with water. I bring my cupped hands to my lips, drink, swish, and then discreetly expelling the water from my mouth.

Still consumed by thoughts of my beautiful Hime, I grab a second towel, drying my hair with it a little. My body is dry. I drop the towel from my waist and the one from my head and walk back through my room towards my walk in robe. I open a drawer and select black boxer briefs. I step into them, pulling them up to my lower hips. Not having the energy to brush my thick black hair, I switch off the dimmed bedroom lights, remove the cover from my bed, crawl into its cool sheets and bring the cover back up to my chin. I know tonight that I shall dream of her. I close my eyes and as I drift off to sleep, new lyrics stir...

_These memories of you, I don't want them to fade._

_These memories of you, I'll take them to my grave._

_My heart, you have it in your hands._

_My heart, you have it in your hands._

_My heart, is yours to break._

_My heart, is yours to own._

_It's only you, my beautiful one. _

* * *

ULQUIORRA

Thursday December 11 09:36am

214 Skylark Lane, Sereitei

Ocha Tea House

I had dreamt of her last night. No, I had dreamt of us last night. The dream was so vivid that when I woke this morning I searched for her warm body tucked close to mine underneath my black sheets. She was not there. I was disappointed.

I decided to leave the safety of my apartment and venture outside this morning. It was overcast and the air quite crisp. Winter has most definitely arrived this year. I slipped on my usual attire, black skinny jeans, battered pair of green Vans, and black long sleeved Henley. I made sure that I had the essentials, wallet, keys and phone – stored securely in my back jeans pocket. I walked out of my apartment, grabbing my black woollen coat before dead-locking the door. I rode the elevator down to the basement car park in silence, thinking to myself, _if only my dreams were real. _

I should not be having such thoughts, but I really cannot help myself. I walk towards my parking bays, a shiny black Jeep Wrangler and a sleek black BMW sedan before me. I do not really care much for cars, so long as they can take me from point A to point B. Unlike Grimm, I prefer safety, reliability, and elegance when it comes to motor vehicles, as his only consideration is how fast and in how short of a time a vehicle is able to go. I unlock the BMW, open the driver's side, slide myself into the driver's seat and do up my seatbelt.

I start the engine, wait for it to warm up, and remove a baseball cap and a pair of Ray Bans from the glove box. I leave the basement car park through the electronic gate and drive towards my favourite breakfast destination, the Ocha Tea House.

After I have parked my vehicle out the front, put on the cap and sunglasses, I go directly to my favourite table in the rear of the cafe. Thankfully it is vacant. I am in no mood for incessant and boisterous fans today.

I take my seat and remove my sunglasses, placing them on the table. A waitress quickly comes over to my secluded table, 'Usual, Ulquiorra?' 'Yes, thank you,' is my swift reply. With that, she is off, placing my usual order of a tall flat white and smashed avocado on a lightly toasted wholemeal muffin. My order will be ready within ten minutes.

_Perhaps I should call her. _

_I need to talk to her. _

_I cannot go on thinking about her – I need to know her._

I wonder what she is doing. I am not even certain of her employment status. Did she realise her dream of becoming a prep teacher? She would be an excellent teacher, always quite gifted with children. I will call her now. I must know these things about her. I must be in her life.

Shrugging my iPhone from my back pocket, I unlock it and scroll through my contacts, finding her name. I touch the screen and call her. I wait with baited breath, hoping that she will answer.

'Moshi, moshi! How can I help you?' her bright voice bubbles with happiness. I find myself smiling as I hear her warm greeting. 'Moshi, moshi. It is Ulquiorra,' I say, trying to sound calm and unaffected by her. 'Uh, wh-what? Ulqui-kun? Etooo – how are you?' she asks, stuttering a little. _Is she surprised to hear from me? It has been five days. _ 'I am well. And you?' Small talk is not the direction I wish for this conversation to take.

'Uh, well, you see –' I can hear many giggling voices in the background and a loud 'thump!' Some sort of static interrupts the line – I cannot hear anything else. A sharp screeching noise bursts through my ear drum. Not a pleasant experience this early in the morning. The line disconnects. Well, that is not how I envisaged the end of this conversation.

Just as I am about to press redial, my coffee and breakfast are placed in front of me. I thank the waitress. I take a long sip of my drug of choice – wonderfully, bitter caffeine. A small sigh of contentment escapes my lips. I place the mug back on the table, and resume my prior course. I press redial and once more find myself waiting with baited breath.

She answers immediately. 'Oh Ulqui-kun, is that you? I am so sorry! I was attacked by the children! The number was private and I couldn't call you back! I didn't think you would call me. Did Grimmy-chan give you my number? Is he there with you now?' so many questions passed through her lips in such a short period of time. Some things do not change, no matter one's age. A smile once again finds its way to my lips.

'Yes, it is me. Do not apologise. Whose children are you referring to? Yes, Grimmjow provided me with your cell phone number. No, he is not with me right this minute,' answering all of her questions, though at a much steadier pace. Without waiting for her response, deciding rather quickly to address the point of my call, "I want to see you. I want to see you soon. Would that be suitable to your want of my friendship?" Silence. Her phone must have dropped to the floor, for all the horrible noise in my ear. I move my iPhone a little ways from my own ear, allowing the poor appendage a moment of peace.

Scrambling, shuffling, and a squeak – "Eeep!" Her voice has returned. "I would like that very much Ulqui-kun." She softly whispers, much more calmly than her previous outburst. I push further without any hesitation whatsoever, "Good. Perhaps you would like to have dinner with me this evening?"

"Tonight? I can make it tonight. Do you have any place in mind?" is her rushed reply. She seems excited. My own apartment springs immediately to the forefront of my mind, but no, not tonight. It is much too early for that, and I still have many questions requiring answers. "I have already made a reservation at Il Lido for 8:00pm. The reservation is under 'Schiffer.' I will forward you the details."

"Alright then. I will see you tonight."

"I will collect you from and return you to your home. Do you find this arrangement agreeable?"

"Yes. I'm ok with you picking me up. Ulqui –"

"What is it?" I interrupt. I inwardly growl, _it seems I cannot stop myself from speaking without thinking, brain connection be fucking damned. _

"Thank you. Thank you for giving me another small chance, I know I don't deserve your kindness..." her voice trembles a little, I am quite sure there are tears in her eyes. Without even considering the impact of my next words, my brain evidently having no input to the matters of the heart, "I could never deny your requests." With that I disconnected the call, too shocked at my own words, the emotion and implications behind them.

_She has me and she does not even realise the true extent of it. _

The time for questions, answers, and perhaps forgiveness, particularly if my current inability to think before I speak is any indication of my intent, is tonight. My questions will be answered, one way or another.

My coffee sits cold, my breakfast, untouched. It is of no consequence. Tonight, I will have her once again within my web.

_Smiling to myself for the third time since my arrival, I leave my secluded table, abandon my cold breakfast, and disappear down Skylark Lane, thinking of what is to come._

* * *

_**Author's Note:  
**_

_**Konnichiwa :) **_

_**Thank you once again to those of you who have continued to read my story. **_

_**I hope this chapter met your expectations. I am quite happy with it, I really wanted to focus more on Ulquiorra and his thoughts.**_

_**Chapter 7 will be an important chapter in this story, as I am sure you all can tell. **_

_**I hope to have it posted within the next week, hopefully time permits.**_

_**One more week left of work until I have a month's holiday overseas - yew! **_


	7. Ulquiorra

Running Scared Ulqiorra

_**FLASHBACK**_

_**Tuesday December 1 1992, 22:03pm**_

_**Schiffer Estate, Karakura Town**_

_**Schiffer Ulquiorra, 7 years old**_

Flashing lights, red and blue.

There is too much noise.

There are Policemen in father's house. They are disturbing mother's things.

They are disturbing me. I can hear them. I wish they would all go away.

My mother is no longer here. But I am. I am still here.

I will not cry. I am a good boy, and a good boy never cries. No one is to notice a good boy. Father told me to go back to my room, so I did. I will stay in my room. I will not come out. I will be a good boy for father and mother.

I will sit here at my desk in my room. I will read my books. I will draw dinosaurs and bats in my sketching pad. I will keep everything in order. I will keep my back straight in my chair. I will not kick my feet against my bedroom wall. I will make no noise. I will be very quiet. I will stay here, in my room, because I am a good boy for father and mother.

No one knows I am here. The Policemen do not know. When they find out, they will see how good a boy I have been for mother.

Mother would be proud.

I wonder, will they find father?

* * *

_**Monday November 30 1992, 21:32pm**_

_**Schiffer Estate, Karakura Town**_

_**Schiffer Ulquiorra, 6 years old**_

There is too much noise. I do not like it. I pack up my books, hop down from my desk chair, pushing it in neatly. I look around to check that my things are in order. Father does not like mess. I tidy up my things, making sure that each item is in its rightful place on my bookshelf and in my desk drawer. 'Acceptable,' I am happy with my efforts.

I have not had my bath yet. I wonder what is keeping mother – baths are at 19:00. I will go look for her. I bet she is asleep in her bedroom. Mother sometimes likes to sleep. Sometimes father makes mother sleep.

Walking out of my room, still in my dirty Elementary School uniform, I walk along the hallway in search for mother. It is dark. Why are the lights not lit? I try to turn on the light switch next to my bedroom door, but I cannot reach it, the switch is too high for me.

The noise is getting louder. I am almost at father and mother's bedroom – the door is closed. I can hear something strange. It sounds like the time Ichinose Ren hit Kagawa Shouta with his baseball bat by accident during little league. There was blood that time. It was very red. Shouta cried. Pathetic. Good boys do not cry. Father says so. Only weak boys cry.

I grab the door handle and turn the knob. I push the door open and walk through father and mother's sitting room. There is no light, only darkness. The noise is louder. Something sounds wet. Something sprays against the wall. I think my father is grunting. What is he doing? I walk past the settee and ornate coffee table, careful to make no noise. I turn into father and mother's bedroom.

'Mother?' I whisper into the dimly lit room. Father does not hear me. I do not know what is happening. Father is standing over mother. Mother is crumpled in a heap on the floor. There is blood. It is very red. It is everywhere. Father has a brick in his hand. He brings that hand above him and brings it down on mother's face. The brick hits her. Mother's blood is sprayed over me. I do not like this.

"Mother!" I scream. I know something bad is happening. I know that father should not be doing this. I run towards mother – red blood is everywhere. I slip over and fall down. I am covered in red. Red is on my hands. Red is on my school shorts, school shoes, school socks. Father will not like this. Father stops what he is doing and looks at me, that brick is still in his hand. Where did he get that brick? There are no bricks in father's house. What has father done to mother?

"Ulquiorra, be a good boy and stay in your room," father commands. Father is all red too. I will do as father says. I will be a good boy. I will stay in my room.

I will not be given a bath by mother tonight. Mother must be sleeping. Mother did not move when I called out to her. Mother knows I am a good boy.

I walk back out of their bedroom, through their sitting room, along the hallway and into my room. I shut my door. I lock it. I will be a good boy. I go back to my desk. I take out my pencils and my sketching pad from the second drawer of my desk. I start to draw mother.

I will be a good boy for mother.

The noise has stopped.

It is silent.

A loud 'bang' echoes through the house.

There is no more noise this night.

* * *

_**Tuesday December 2 1997, 15:01pm**_

_**Karakura Middle School **_

_**Karakura Town**_

_**Ulquiorra Schiffer, 12 years old**_

"Do you want to talk about anything in particular that may be bothering you today Ulquiorra?" Mr Arai asks from his desk. I gaze silently back at Mr Arai from my position in the plush black leather armchair. We are in his Counselling office. I come here twice each week, Tuesdays and Fridays. This is supposed to help me. No one can help me. I will not answer his question. I gaze back at him – I know exactly what he will next ask.

"You had your birthday yesterday, Ulquiorra. You are 12 years old now. How do you feel about that?" he asks insistent on engaging me in conversation, just as I had expected. I will not indulge him with such trivia. He knows perfectly well that it was my birthday yesterday. He knows perfectly well that I feel nothing about reaching this 'milestone' – I generally feel nothing. These bi-weekly counselling sessions will not change that. Nothing that he has to say will draw me out of my mind and into conversation. Feelings are weak.

"Not in a talkative mood this week, I see," he sits back against his standard office chair, clasping his hands together and intertwining his fingers in front of him on his desk. He leans further forward, looking at me with far too much intensity and perhaps, concern. No one need be concerned for me. I have been on my own for some years. I do not need the assistance of others. I can do things for myself. I am not weak.

"Do you want to talk about what happened on Sunday, Ulquiorra? What was significant about Sunday, November 30?" I will not be dignifying that particular question with a response. I look away from Mr Arai. He knows full well I will not be talking about the significance of Sunday. I do not want to think of mother. Contempt rises in my throat and I struggle to push this nauseas feeling back to the pit of my stomach. I will not think of father either. November 30 is not a day I wish to be reminded of. November 30 is not a day I wish to talk about – with anyone.

"Ulquiorra, you know that your behaviour is not healthy. I have spoken with you about this before, many times in fact. You cannot hold your emotions inside of you. You are a human being – you have feelings, whether you want to accept them or not." Mr Arai bites out another of his lectures, his main concern my behaviour, more specifically, my inability to express any emotion. My thoughts are my own. I do not see any reason for sharing my own thoughts with others. I tune out of his incessant prattle.

"...your Grandmother will not be pleased," Mr Arai's lecture continues. Grandmother has nothing to do with the matter – she is no blood relation of mine. Deciding that I have had enough for today, I slowly stand up, vacating my seat. I pick up my backpack from its position next to my feet. With a crisp "Good afternoon, Mr Arai," I terminate this session. I remove myself from his office. I open the door, walking quickly, but steadily past Miss Unohana – Karakura Middle School's General Practitioner – who happens to have been hovering outside Mr Arai's office. I have no respect for eavesdroppers.

I do not want to be reminded of that night. I choose not to feel. I choose not to be weighed down with grief, horror, or any other ridiculous emotion that may tickle a Psychiatrist's fancy, in relation to the night that father murdered mother. I choose not to be weighed down with the knowledge that father then shot himself. I choose not to be weighed down by the fact that I am now 12 years old and entirely alone. There is no happily family to speak of for me. The woman was formally appointed as 'Grandmother' is a blood sucking leech, with only father's wealth in mind.

* * *

_**Wednesday December 1 2004, 18:47pm**_

_**Harajuku Gyoza, Akira Prefecture**_

_**Schiffer Ulquiorra, 19 years old**_

"Kanpai!" everyone yelled in unison, skolling their sake. Our band, Cuatro Espada, had just obtained a record deal. Aizen Sousuke of Sony Records had signed us within one week of seeing our performance at our local dive bar in Karakura Town. Aizen will be our manager. He will look after every last detail of our professional lives.

Our band will soon be relocating to our capital city. Starrk, Grimm, Nnoi and I will all make the big move within the next two weeks. Despite outward appearances, I am incredibly happy. Our painstaking efforts over the last six years have not been in vain. Cuatro Espada is set to break into the international rock market, according to Aizen. We shall see if that incredibly difficult feat becomes a reality.

I am surrounded by Starrk, Nnoi, Aizen, Aizen's assistant Hinamori Momo, Grimm's mother, and my Hime. We have all gathered in celebration of a three album contract being settled today, which happens to be my 19th birthday. Grimm's mother cannot stop smiling and fiercely hugging not only Grimm, but also Starrk, Nnoi and I, even Hime. I do not mind, not one bit. I will let her only this once. No more practicing in her basement, she is celebrating as much as we all are.

Nnoi is quite intoxicated at this point of the evening. He has just consumed what must be at the very least his ninth glass of sake. His hands are all over Aizen's assistant, although it looks as though she does not mind one bit. Another one bites the dust it would seem. We have only been at Harajuku Gyoza, one of Karakura Town's most popular beer bar's, for thirty minutes. That man has always been one for excess.

I take a sip of water from my glass, flushing that awful taste from my mouth. I for one prefer to be in full control of all my faculties. I do not consume any more than two alcoholic beverages in a three hour period. I do not need alcohol to enjoy myself, I much prefer to read or draw, strum away on my guitar, or write in my lyrics journal. Yes, I much prefer to have all my wits about me.

I am utterly content with my life for the first time. I look next to me into the slightly glazed eyes of my Hime. I see that the one glass of sake has gone to her head. I am not one for public affection, but I cannot resist putting one arm around her and giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze. Her childlike giggle is intoxicating. I feel her small hand on my thigh, moving upwards towards my hip bone. I chuckle inwardly at the situation, her face full of determination.

I know full well what antics will follow. Now is not the time. Later, oh yes. Removing her hand from the waistband of my jeans, I place it back on my thigh, looking intently into her eyes. My message is clear – later. She giggles happily beside me, eyes bright, smile wide. Her secret thoughts are not as secret as she would think. I drop my arm from her shoulders to her waist. A small sigh of contentment escapes her pale pink lips. Yes, later, it will be on.

My Hime knows that I love her, even if I do not say the words. My Hime knows that she is the reason that I have come this far. Without her, I am nothing.

My Hime has my heart, I would follow her to my death if she willed it.

My beautiful siren, I will always follow your song.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I wanted to give you a glimpse into Ulquiorra's past. I hope that this particular interim chapter is satisfactory.**

**I have Chapter 7 half written. I am hoping to post it whilst I am on my holiday, time permitting. **

**Just a reminder that this is an Alternate Universe story based on Ulquiorra and Orihime. **

**I do plan to make my upcoming chapter long ones. I am excited for Chapter 7 - I know some of you in particular will enjoy what is in store. **

**Thank you again for reading, reviewing, favouriting and following :) Your kind words and your push of a button have made me very happy.**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! **


	8. Chapter 7

_Smiling to myself for the third time since my arrival, I leave my secluded table, abandon my cold breakfast, and disappear down Skylark Lane, thinking of what is to come._

**Running Scared**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

ORIHIME

_Thursday, 20:24pm _

_Il Lido, Sereitei_

I am so terribly nervous. I've already knocked over a glass of merlot and two tumblers of water. I can't even blame it on the little blue men. This is not going as I had hoped. I didn't think that being in his presence in such an intimate setting would cause such havoc with my every day, run of the mill, bodily functions. I thought I would be calm and composed…so not the case. Urgh.

It all started when he picked me up. He must have spoken with my building's doorman as I was immediately notified of his arrival. I came down the elevator and he was waiting for me in the lobby. As I was walking over to him, I couldn't help but stop breathing for a moment – the man looked divine. I drooled a little. No wait, that's a lie; I drooled a lot.

He was dressed in a charcoal and forest green plaid button up shirt, the deep green matched his eyes so brilliantly, black skinny jeans, and black Vans. His hands were tucked into his front jeans pockets. His midnight hair had been sort of slicked back into a rockabilly style which I had never seen on him before; it suited him. He looked so confident, so in control, just like always.

I was utterly enthralled with his appearance, so much so, that as I was walking towards him, I stumbled across the recently polished wooden floors and fell at his feet. 'Ahahaha, oopsy daisy, Ulqui-kun,' I giggled nervously as I tried to collect myself. _Baka! Baka! Baka!_

Before I could pick myself up, his strong hands were at my waist and I was immediately put to rights. My fur lined coat was gently placed in my arms. I stood there for a while, just stunned into silence, staring at him and teetering on my black patent leather wedges, whilst absentmindedly smoothing the skirt of my indigo sheath dress. _What are you doing Orihime?! Stop acting like a flummoxed middle schooler, _I chastised myself.

He just kind of looked at me with the barest hint of a smirk, put my hand in his and took control of the situation, effectively putting a stop to any further bungles on my part. We walked swiftly through the lobby, out the entrance way, to a shiny black SUV. Ulqui-kun walked me to the front passenger side and opened the door, before helping me up into the vehicle. He then shut the door, walked around the bonnet to the driver's side door and jumped inside. He buckled his seat belt, started the engine, and to Il Lido in Sereitei's premiere dining district we went.

And now here we are at his favourite restaurant. The atmosphere is ambient, the mood set with many a flickering candle. A golden glow illuminates our rather intimate dark wooden booth. The noise of fellow patrons is somehow blocked, but I can hear smooth jazz beats emanating through the restaurant. I really like the atmosphere. I wonder if the food matches the mood as I readily take in the menu. I bet they have wonderful treats, red bean paste tart, perhaps?

'How was your day', Ulquiorra asks, seemingly interested in my daily grind. I looked up from the menu and stared at him, my eyes expanding in puzzlement, wondering why he'd ask such a trivial thing. The Ulquiorra I knew was not one for small talk or trivial pursuits.

'You sounded overwhelmed when we spoke this morning', he elaborated, his brows somewhat narrowed at what must be my puzzled expression. I could barely concentrate when faced with his purely dazzling emerald eyes. Eeep - what question did Ulquiorra ask, I wondered.

'You haven't changed at all,' with a cheeky smirk he mused.

'Sorry, Ulqui-kun,' I apologised, not quite sure what he meant, 'Could you please repeat your question.'

'It matters not. What will you have?' he queried.

'Um well, you see, I will have… I have no idea.'

'Shall I order for you? I highly doubt your interesting taste in foods has changed…' he deadpanned.

'I guess they haven't. You know I love contrasting food combinations.' I grumped, then took a sip of water from tumbler number three, taking extra care to place it down without any mishaps.

_No more clumsy-Orihime tonight! _I vowed to myself. I dared to take another look at his expression, sure to see his emotionless mask, but I was quite surprised to see him smiling. SMILING. This whole night is just getting more curious. And just like that, I felt as though the seven years that we have not been in each other's lives had never happened.

Maybe we really can be friends, maybe more. Maybe I can tell him my secret earlier than I had hoped.

'OMG! It's him! It's HIM!' a high pitched voice all but screeched into my ear. I turned towards the aforementioned noise and was startled to see an overly tanned, overly made up blonde dorito-bot scantily clad in a tight black mini-dress feeling up my Ulqui-kun. I glared my hardest at her. I do not like invading dorito-bots, I do not like them at all.

'I'm your biggest fan Ulquiorra. I just love Cuatro Espada,' the dorito-bot continued to gush. Vomit. The tittering continued and my mood soured. I had hoped that this wouldn't happen. I mean, we were seated in a secluded booth far from other patrons so that he wouldn't be approached. I didn't even think anyone would recognise my Ulqui-kun with his hair slicked back and away from his face…

'My friend and I were just leaving. I thank you for your support. Good evening,' his cool voice interrupts my pity party. I am drawn into him for the second time that evening as he is standing next to my side of the booth and gently pulling on my left wrist. I notice that a $100 bill has been laid on the table. I look to him and can see the storm in his eyes. He is not happy. Just like that my coat is once again in my arms as he stalks us purposefully through the restaurant, through the doors to the valet.

The black SUV pulls up and I am once again bundled into the front passenger seat by him before I have a chance to say 'supercalifragelisticexpialidocious'. I wonder what we are going to do now. 'Does that happen all of the time, Ulqui-kun?' I tentatively ask him, keeping my gaze on the traffic, watching other cars go by through my window. He flicks on the multimedia device and Jimmy Eat World plays softly through the Bluetooth. Hear You Me has always been one of my favourite songs, for lots of reasons. My question goes unanswered. I peer over at him, his knuckles are holding the steering wheel so tightly that they appear white.

'Are you alright?' I ask, wanting to comfort him with a touch to his arm or thigh, but deciding against it. Again, no response.

'I bet it must make it super difficult to go out and be anonymous with the kind of fame and success Cuatro Espada has had…' I muse aloud. Jimmy Eat World suddenly plays throughout the car with greater volume. _I guess he wants to drown me out. This is not how I thought tonight would go. I shouldn't have fallen at his feet. _A small, delicate tear escapes and trails down my cheek, before dripping onto the beaded collar of my sheath dress.

_May angels lead you in_

_Hear you me, my friends_

_May angels lead you in._

His voice is still so beautiful as he sings along to the chorus. So much better with age, like a fine wine or scotch.

'I did not foresee us dealing with fans this evening. That is not how I envisaged our time together,' the man finally speaks. A harsh sigh escapes his lips. We're turning onto a posh street I have never heard of. Mansions line both sides of the wide road, nature strips lined with impeccably green lawns and magnificent birch trees. My jaw drops in silent wonderment at all of the beauty.

'But where are we?' I wonder aloud.

'We are near my home. I trust that is acceptable, given that insolent interruption at Il Lido.'

'Oh, I s-see. Yes, that is acceptable, given that insolent interruption at Il Lido,' I parrot, stunned that he is even contemplating having me in his personal space so soon.

The SUV turns into a long, winding driveway. We approach a ten story architectural wonder. I'm not sure if it is one of those mega-mansions showcased on grand designs, or an up-scale, boutique hipster haunt. Just, wow. I guess I will soon find out. The song ends and Shelter by The XX sounds;

_Maybe I had said, something that was wrong_

_Can I make it better, with the lights turned on. _

We come to a stop outside an electronic gate to what looks to be an underground secure cap park. Ulquiorra leans over to the console and takes out a buzzer. He presses a button and the gate noiselessly opens. Huh, what do you know, an electronic gate that doesn't sound like a rocket taking off for the moon! The SUV creeps forward and the engine comes to a stop in a triple bay park emblazoned with 'Penthouse'. Ulquiorra gets out of the driver's seat, walks over to the passenger side, opens the door and helps me out of the SUV. I whisper a thankyou, noticing that his hand holds onto mine.

We walk to a private elevator. Ulquiorra presses a button on his key chain, the SUV locks tight, lights flashing. He then swipes a card over an electronic access point and the elevator doors open. The light is a little harsh, I have to put one hand over my eyes at the unexpected brightness. He pulls me into the elevator with him, never letting go of my hand. There is no music, only silence from him. I can feel my heart pounding away inside my chest. I'm apprehensive of being alone with him in his domain. I know that he will want answers. I've resigned myself to the fact that if I want him in my life again, I have to come clean.

He needs to know. He needs to know why I left.

:

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_Thursday, 20:47pm_

_Heaco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei_

_Penthouse Suite A_

The opulence of his suite is mind boggling. I've never seen this much luxury in my life. Although his space is sparsely furnished, I can tell that the modern décor is terribly expensive. It smells of him. It looks like him – calm, cool and unmoving. I sink back into the comfort of the sofa, enjoying the feel of the fabric against my fingers.

'I am afraid that I am out of root beer and cranberry juice. I do not have lemon, lime and bitters either. Would you prefer a glass of merlot?' Ulquiorra queries from the kitchen, voice carrying to the sitting room where I am happily seated.

'Merlot is fine,' I yell from my spot, unsure if my normal voice will travel. There will be no scaredy-cat behaviour; there will be no crying – well maybe there will be a little crying; there will only me telling Ulquiorra what happened seven years ago. He deserves to know. We both need this. Hiding out for the past seven years has not helped me one bit.

I can hear his footsteps padding across the nearly black varnished wooden floorboards. Perk up, be brave, and tell Ulqui-kun the truth. _You can do it Orihime! _Sometimes I really do wish that I had my own personal cheer squad who would do clever acrobatic tricks in support of my everyday life. It would be so lovely if they could wear matching pumpkin outfits and –

'Here is your drink,' Ulquiorra informs me as he sits down next to me on his couch. 'I hope it is to your liking,' he says as I take the drink from him and offer him a smile in thanks. He has a scotch in a short glass (of course) in his left hand. He brings the glass to his mouth and takes a sip, watching me from the corners of his eyes. I just hold the wine glass in my hand, unsure of where to begin or what he wants me to say, all confidence gone.

'Tell me Hime,' he looks pointedly at me, his face all void of emotion, 'this closure that you spoke of, these notions that you seem to possess of you and I having a friendship; is this what you would ask of me?'

'Yes. I ask this of you, Ulquiorra,' my words firm, speaking his full name to demonstrate my conviction. _No tears._

'If I am to do this for you, you must tell me your reasons for leaving seven years ago,' his own voice rigid with his order. 'I must know,' he simply says.

That's it, his bottom line. I was expecting this, thought I was prepared – and yet, it's so much harder to say the words aloud than I had thought. I try to scramble my thoughts together, knowing better than anyone what I need to say. I take a deep breath, holding it in for mere moments, but for what feels like a lifetime, before exhaling. I reach down to remove my wedges, placing them under the coffee table a little ways away. I draw my feet up underneath me and hug my arms to my chest, knowing that I just need to bite this bullet, but at the same time knowing this will change everything for him…

'I am waiting, woman,' he all but commands, the endearment of our youth not lost on me. I look into his eyes to try and gage his reaction to my body language. That same mask, that emotionless void is back in his eyes. He is steeling himself for whatever it is he thinks I will say. _Just say it, Orihime._

'Eto, you know that time before you and Cuatro Espada went away with Aizen for the first time? For that first big tour?' I ask, being sure to look him in the eye. He nods once, his eyes never leaving mine. His right thigh is nearly touching my left, I can feel his body so close next to me… _No distractions! Get to it!_

'You see, we were so young; I was barely 21 and you were nearly 22. Things were really happening for you and the guys…I didn't know what was happening,' and there go the tears. 'Didn't know what was happening, with me,' my chin and lower lip trembling, I continued, knowing I had to remain strong. We both needed this.

'I had been sick for a while, I don't know if you remember…my body was just…' nope, can't do it. Can't keep looking into those eyes. I don't want to drown again. My hands are clasped so tightly together now, gaze faces my lap, my breathing is the opposite of calm, tears are rolling down my cheeks and falling into my lap. _Be strong. You both need this._

'He saw me there. He saw me at the clinic. He was with that Momo girl,' I stammer out. I feel an arm across my shoulders, my body pulled into his side. I feel so close to you right now, but still light years away. _He's going to recoil from me in horror, as though I've grow four heads, when I get this out. _I can't hyperventilate now – I just need to get the words out.

'Momo?' he questions. 'Are you talking about Aizen's assistant?' I nod once. Argh this is so incredibly difficult. I don't want him to hate me. My body starts to tremble – my thoughts are not good, not good at all.

'This "he" you speak of, are you trying to tell me that Aizen and Momo saw you at a clinic?' he could always put the pieces together, my Ulqui-kun really does still know me and can decipher my meaning. Again I nod, not really know whether I can say the words, but know that I must.

'I see.' He pauses, and it's as though I can hear the gears churning in his mind. Ulquiorra removes his arm from my body and I am expelled from his warmth. All of a sudden he is kneeling in front of me, his hands are caressing my thighs. I know he is trying to comfort me.

'Look at me, Hime,' he orders in that quiet gentle tone. I wonder if another has ever heard him speak in such a way. 'You must tell me what Aizen saw, although I think I have been able to piece it together myself…' I don't want to look at him, but I do.

I raise my chin up and meet his searching gaze, 'I didn't know… I swear I didn't know.'

His hands are still caressing my thighs, not in any way sexual, just comfort. I don't deserve this, his kindness, his comfort. It's time – just get it out. Secrets and guilt just go. He deserves to know.

'I k-k-killed it. I-I killed our b-baby. He s-saw me there,' I finally breathe out, my words a crumpled mess.

My whole world stops in that moment. I feel relief and so much hurt. My body and mind break down and I simply fall into a heap on the couch, body crawling into the foetal position. I'm overcome with so much pent up emotion. All I can do is shake and cry violently against the soft material of the couch.

I can't look at him. He must hate me. His hands recoil from my thighs. I can hear his footsteps against the wooden floorboards as he walks away.

I am alone.

He won't ever want me now.

_And the snakes start to sing._

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**Author's Note:**

**Hello dear readers, if there are any! **

**Thank you for being patient with me. I appreciate the feedback that I have had since December in relation to this story. **

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I have some time and intend to update ASAP as I do not want to leave you all hanging with this cliff hanger.**


	9. Chapter 8

_I can't look at him. He must hate me. His hands recoil from my thighs. I can hear his footsteps against the wooden floorboards as he walks away. _

_I am alone. _

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**Running Scared**

**Chapter 8**

ULQUIORRA

_Thursday, 23:09pm_

_Huaco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei_

_Penthouse Suite A_

I have always had my own suspicions that Aizen was somehow involved in the disappearance of my Hime from my life. I however did not envision that the reason for which she left was because she had aborted our child.

_How could she do that to us, to me? I would have taken care of them. Neither of us had ever had the pleasure of being a part of a functional and loving family… We could have had that together. _Sliding my hand through my hair in complete and utter anguish, a silent scream escapes my lips. This is not a road I wish to travel down, the road of what could have been.

My thoughts are in disarray, what ifs are a great many and thoughts of being torn asunder from the inside out bubble to the forefront of my mind. I do not wish to feel such things. I do not wish to feel anything. Perhaps it would have been better if she had kept this to herself; taken this secret to her very grave. Hanging my head in my hands, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. _Ulqiorra – you must calm yourself. _

Deciding that I can no longer hide from her in the dark confines of my master suite, I push myself from my sitting position at the foot of my bed and make my way back towards the living room…back towards her. The sound of my uncharacteristically heavy footsteps echo, reminding me that I have yet to remove my Vans from my feet. So much for decorum and indoor-etiquette when an atomic bomb has indeed been detonated upon my very existence.

_Should I even question her at this point? Is there anything to be salvaged – perhaps we are toxic to one another. Such lies, such hurt… Perhaps it was wrong of me to be drawn in once more by her siren song… _

"What else has she been hiding from me," I demand aloud, my voice reverberating quite severely throughout my Penthouse suite. The tension emanating from my very skin is palpable. I want to break every breakable object in my presence. I want to break her for keeping such a secret from me for seven long and lonely years. My thoughts are conflicting.

She is still in a crumpled heap on my couch. She is sleeping, her eyes are closed. Her face is puffy and her eyelids are swollen – there are tear tracks littered down her cheeks. Her whole body is trembling violently, even in slumber. Something gentle lurks behind my inner turmoil – I do not wish for her to be upset to such an extent, but I cannot help but be angry at her for keeping this from me for seven years. Seven years. After all that we had been through since our very first meeting some sixteen, no nearly seventeen years ago… I am at a complete loss as to why she would do this.

I know what she went through at the hands of others. I know that she has not had the most fortunate of beginnings. But then again, neither have I.

All I can do is watch her. I remain silent and as still as a statue as I notice her body tremble. It hurts. Everything hurts. Not wanting to admit such utter human weakness, I turn towards the kitchen, my thirst for a scotch overpowering any further embarrassingly weak thoughts and emotions.

As I pour the finely aged dark liquid into an insanely expensive glass, the anger again bubbles to the surface. Such behaviour is completely out of character, all of these feelings ready to erupt must dissipate and quickly, for they are not welcome. It goes down a treat. I need another. Another turns into six and I find myself sufficiently drunk in the space of ten minutes. This will not do at all.

The anger has finally arrived with the downing of my eighth scotch. I slam the glass down on the kitchen counter, it shatters into pieces and sharp shards scatter across the tiled floor. There are cuts along my left palm from the impact and the shattered shards of glass. Blood pools and drips to the kitchen counter. I do not care. Physical pain is irrelevant at this particular juncture.

Determined to know more I hastily loom over her, the housekeeper shall see to the broken glass tomorrow. My movements are not as steady as I would prefer, but that is neither here nor there. The only light is that of the skyline through the floor to ceiling window. The room is predominantly bathed in darkness, except for that soft glow behind me. I know my speech will be quite slurred, but I need answers. I need to know everything. She must awaken. _She must tell me. _

'Orihime, you will wake up,' I demand, voice a little slurred.

Nothing. The woman could sleep through World War II air raid. Ridiculous.

'Orihime, you will wake up,' I repeat, as I shake her shoulder, trying to coax her from slumber.

Aggravation at this whole fiasco causes me to grab both her shoulders and forcefully shake her. _She must tell me everything. I must know it all._

'Ulqui-kun, what – what is it? Why are you shaking me?' she asks, voice scratchy from crying.

'You will tell me everything and you will tell me now,' I sternly say to her, my eyes pouring into her own.

'But I have told you – Aizen and Momo saw me at the clinic. That is everything,' is her weak protest, feigning ignorance.

Shaking my head at her ill-conceived lie, 'No. I know Aizen and I know you. There is much that you are not speaking. You will tell me, and you will tell me now.'

She starts crying and trembling again. I do not wish to offer her any comfort, so I wait and keep my expression harsh. Eventually the words will come.

'But I, h-he said that if I ever told you the t-truth, he would ruin y-your c-career.' Ah, that must have been the threat.

'I see. Such threats are of no concern to me.'

'B-b-but he said that he would r-ruin you and r-ruin G-Grimmy, N-noi-kun and St-Stark – all of you,' the tears strengthened and the trembling turned violent. Her body rocked back and forth from her position on the couch. I just waited, knowing that she would now tell me everything.

'He, he s-said that you wouldn't believe me over him! He said that his word meant more to you than mine, given that it was the beginning of all your success! He said that if I told you what we had lost, that it would all be over for you and Cuatro Espada. He said that you would never believe what had happened to me and that I should just disappear from your life entirely.' Her words were rushed, panic and hysteria clear in her face and very demeanour.

'And so I left. I left not to hurt your future,' the misery in her voice crystal clear. Yet something was niggling away at me – something did not seem right with her hysteric outburst.

'What exactly did you mean by "he said that you would never believe what had happened to me"?' I demanded. 'What exactly had we lost? There is something that you are still hiding from me. You will cease dancing around the issue at once!' I did not raise my voice to her, but my meaning was quite clear. The look in her eyes was one of sorrow, pain and anguish. _Just what was the cause of such a pained expression?_

Her eyes darted from left to right, she fidgeted with her the hem of her alarmingly short indigo dress. She was blatantly avoiding my demands. A spark of lust rose within me as her fidgeting caused the hem to rise higher. Now was not the time for such desires. I shook my head, banishing such lustful thoughts.

'Tell me, what it was that you meant,' I said as I pulled her chin in my direction, forcing her to look at me. I would not relent. She bit her lip, before taking deep breath, her eyes faltering under my intense gaze, yet she could not move her face from the strength of my grip.

'I was at the Clinic to get a scan – a, a check-up with the Doctor. I didn't know what had happened at first. I thought no one I knew would be there… That's why I went there. I didn't think that I could, even, after everything from before...' she trailed away.

'It died. It went away,' she whispered out. She reached out and removed my grip from her chin, before turning away from me and burying her face in the back of the couch.

'He said that you wouldn't believe me that it went away, that he would tell you I had gotten rid of it.' I could only just make out her muffled words between the gut-wrenching obs and her position against the couch. She continued as though the dam had finally burst, 'He said that he would make you believe it and if I didn't leave you he would ruin everything you and everyone had worked so hard for.'

'He said I was worth nothing and shouldn't drag you down with me, that you would abandon the tour to be with me and it would mean that Cuatro Espada would never realise their potential,' she continued to sob.

I again am at a loss. My thoughts and emotions were in chaos, although five facts stood out:

_We had a child. _

_She did not abort our child, as I had first thought._

_She miscarried. _

_She was threatened. _

_She left me. _

_Did she have so little faith in what we were to each other? Did she truly believe that the opinion of Aizen carried more weight than her very own? Was her opinion of me that low? Did my Hime know me at all? _

Gathering control of my thoughts and emotions, I composed myself and my stoic mask slipped into place.

'I see,' and with that I left the room, my Suite, entered my pass-code into my private elevator's keypad before traveling down to the basement. I unlocked my BMW with the click of a button. I needed to escape. I left her crying in a heap on the couch of my living room with her memories.

I turn on the Bluetooth and let the lyrics, (uncannily suited to my current mood) take me away to another place where thoughts and feelings and memories faded into oblivion…

_And if I sing along, a little fucking louder to a happy song, I'll be just fine._

:

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_**FLASHBACK**_

_**Sunday June 30 2005, 04:07am**_

_**Inoue Orihime, 18 years old**_

_I stealthily crack one eye open, he is still next to me, laying on his back with one hand covering his eyes, the other, still wrapped around me, holding me so tightly. We are on his bed. I am nestled happily against his chest, my right cheek against him. I can't help but rub it against him, enjoying the silky softness of his firm skin. _

_Who knew that being naked with another person could feel so good? I didn't. I've never been one for intimacy; I never thought anyone would want me like that. I try not to think of the past, only the future. Now is not the time for crying Orihime, I scold myself. I don't need to remember those times when I am with him._

_Ulquiorra is the only person I can be myself with. He is the only one that knows the real me. Not even Tatsuki knows me as well as he does. He has accepted me without question since we first met in Middle School nearly seven years ago. He is the one constant in my life, my most trusted person. I am so lucky to be together here with him. I don't ever want to be without him._

_I'm so close to him, it's as though our bodies are still connected. My left arm and leg are draped across his stomach and upper thighs. The room is bathed in darkness; no light from the moon will push through his black out curtains tonight. All I can feel is him. I trace my left hand languidly over his stomach and up to his chest, making tiny circles with my index finger. I can see the corner of his mouth turning up in a half smile. _

_I feel his left hand on my shoulder, his right on my waist, drawing me on top of him. My thighs straddle his, my stomach against his, my breasts against his chest, my head tucked securely under his chin. His fingers move up and down my back, I can't help but revel in his touch. His fingers are calloused, rough. I love them. I love him. I can't help but shiver as one hand traces down and then back up my spine. A whispered moan escapes my lips. Where did that come from?!_

_Pressing myself even closer to him, I move my hands to his hair, fingering his long black locks. He loves it when I play with his hair. It is so beautiful. I hope he never cuts it. All is silent but for our steady breaths – not even the noise from the street seeps into his one bedroom apartment. _

_I can feel him becoming hard against my thigh. I don't think I want to do it again so soon. I know he would never force me. He knows what I've been through. I know he loves me, even though he doesn't say it. He doesn't have to – his actions speak louder than words. _

_I know what he has been through. I know he might never be able to say the words, but I don't care. I just want to stay like this. It's just him and I, just us. I want to stay exactly like this, and be this close to him forever. _

_His rough hands don't stop tracing patterns over my back as I lie upon him in the dark, drifting off into dreamland. I will have no nightmares tonight. I am safe. _

:

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_Friday, 02:31am_

_Huaco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei_

_Penthouse Suite A_

ORIHIME

It's never going to be like that. I'll never have that intimacy, that closeness with him ever again. Not now. Not now that he knows. He knows that I kept this from him. Oh, what he must think of me, the very thought is too hard to bear.

I thought I would have closure once I told him the truth. I thought closure was what I wanted…

The little blue men tricked me – no, that's not right. They didn't do this, I did this to myself. I've been lying to myself. I never wanted closure, I just wanted him.

I just wanted him.

I need to get out of here, but I don't know where I am. I don't even know the passcode to the elevator. I don't remember what buttons he pressed.

I have to wait for him to come back.

I need for him to come back.

Picking myself up from the couch I searched the plush rug and surrounding floorbaords on all fours for my purse. I need to find my phone. The desperation and urge to leave was paramount. My search turned up empty as I finally realised that my purse must be in his car. So much for my escape.

Not knowing what to expect when or even if he returns, I got up and trudged to find the guest bathroom. A scolding hot shower was in order. I'm sure he won't mind me using it – after all he must know that I am stuck here until his return. He's far too aware of himself and his surroundings to forget that.

The bathroom was ornate – charcoal coloured tiles from floor to ceiling. Chrome fittings and a black marble basin and matching spa the only solid fixtures within the room (which was the size of my classroom). Two waterfall shower heads were situated against the far wall, no glass divide or door to separate the shower from the rest of the room. A black cotton robe and a black cotton bath sheet hung on chrome pegs next to the vanity and marble basin. I stripped my clothes and turned on one shower head. After checking the temperature I stepped under the deliciously hot spray. The pressure of the water cleansing my body as the realisation hit me:

_I am still just as in love with him as I ever was. _

But now, our relationship hangs on nothing more than broken tethers, and it's all my fault.

_It's all my fault._

Leaning heavily against the tiles, I didn't even realise that my tears had started up again amongst the steam and heat of the shower. I didn't even realise that I was sobbing and struggling to breathe. I didn't even realise that he'd come back until his chest was pressed against my back and his arms were around my waist, drawing me closer to him.

He silently turned me to face him, before leaning in and placing a tender kiss to my forehead. His arms pulled me further against him, his chin upon the crown of my head. He swayed our bodies slowly back and forth to the tune of a song only he could hear.

We stood there like that for what felt like could've been hours, days or weeks. Him fully clothed and me so very naked. I don't remember leaving the heat of the shower. All I remember is falling asleep in his arms, dressed in that black robe with him stroking my hair.

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**Author's Note:**

**Hello dear readers (if any of you are left) :)**

**I've only just unblocked my writer's block and apologise for the delay.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it is particularly angsty. At last, the secret is out.**

**Also, I never condone domestic violence or drink driving, so rest assured that none of Ulquiorra's actions were either of those.**

**Again thank you to those who have continued to follow/fave/review Running Scared - this is for you.**

**xx livingdeadclaire**


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